And The Nominations Are…(Spoilers for All of S4)

And The Nominations Are…(Spoilers for All of S4)

NB: These nominations have been painstakingly compiled by Ankh and Lori, who almost certainly should have been doing something more sensible at the time. If it should appear to the reader that Daniel gets mentioned more than anyone else this is due to a fault in your reception as we are well known for our rigorous objectivity and impartiality.

Best Unseemly Squabble Between Two Members of SG-1:

Jack and Daniel in "The Other Side".

Jack and Sam in "The Light".

Best Apology While Holding Daniel's Hand:

Jack in "The Other Side".

Best Apology Via A Remote Transmission:

Daniel to General Hammond in "The Light".

Best Original Character Played By Someone From A Star Trek Spin-Off:

Alar in "The Other Side".

Svetlana in "Watergate".

Best Scene Involving Daniel's Glasses In An Elevator:

"The Serpent's Venom".

Best Episode In Which Thor Offers Food To Sam:

"Small Victories".

Best Episode In Which Jack Offers Food to Daniel:

"Upgrades".

Best Episode in Which Jack and Teal'c Juggle When They Should Be Translating Latin:

"Window of Opportunity".

Best Episode in Which Sam and Daniel Reprogram A Bomb In A Tel'tak:

"The Serpent's Venom".

Best Episode in Which Sam Conclusively Proves The 'If You Want A Job Doing Properly…' Principal:

"2010".

Best Episode in Which Teal'c Finally Gets To Have A Tragic Love Affair:

"Crossroads".

Best Episode Featuring Android Versions of SG-1 All Dying Heroically:

"Double Jeopardy".

Best Episode Featuring Jacob, Apophis, and a Honkin' Big Ship:

"Exodus".

Best Episode in Which Jack Nevertheless Conspicuously Fails to Give Daniel CPR:

"The Light".

Best Episode Featuring Jack and Teal'c In A Death Glider Which Is Marooned In The Cold of Space:

"Tangent".

Best Episode Featuring Jack and Teal'c In A Death Glider Which Crashlands Due To Teal'c's Obsessive Desire For Vengeance:

"Exodus".

Best Daniel Angsting Over Killing Jack Scene:

"Small Victories".

Best Jack Angsting Over Killing Daniel Scene:

"Scorched Earth".

Best Back Rub of A Major Character by a Supporting Character:

Major Davis to Daniel in "Small Victories".

Best Lowering Tenderly To The Ground of A Major Character by Another Major Character:

Jack to Daniel in "The Light".

Special Award For Actually Getting The Whole Team Off-World For Practically An Entire Episode:

"The First Ones".

Worst-Dressed Femme Fatale:

Anise in "Divide & Conquer".

Best-Dressed Femme Fatale:

Osiris in "The Curse".

Special Mention:

Evil Daniel in "Absolute Power" (it's an in-joke, folks).]

Best Episode Dealing With The Dangers of Accepting Alien Weaponry From Strange Men:

"The Other Side".

Best Play On Words In A Title:

"Watergate".

Best Trick Pool Shot Performed While Wearing An Ataneik Armband:

Sam in "Upgrades".

Best Over The Shoulder Staff Weapon Shot Performed While *Not* Wearing An Ataneik Armband:

Teal'c in "The First Ones".

Special Smokin' Hot Jack Award:

"Chain Reaction".

Special Breathtakingly Beautiful Daniel Award:

"Absolute Power".

Special You Go, Girl! KickAss Sam Award:

"The Light".

Special Totally Magnificent Teal'c Award:

"The Serpent's Venom".

The Good Wardrobe Award:

Daniel's clothes in "Upgrades", "Divide & Conquer", "The Curse", "Absolute Power" and "The Light".

Jack's clothes in "Upgrades", "Chain Reaction", "2010", "The Light".

Sam's clothes in "Upgrades" and "2010".

The Bad, Bad *Bad* Wardrobe Award:

Jack's clothes in "Window of Opportunity" and "The Curse".

Special Will You Quit It Already With the Silly Hats? Award:

Jack in "Window of Opportunity" and "The Curse".

Teal'c in "Point Of No Return".

Daniel in "2010". (Although I thought he looked cute myself…)

Best Human Supporting Character Who Was Nice To Daniel:

Major Davis in "Small Victories".

Best Non-Human Supporting Character Who Was Nice To Daniel:

The Unas in "The First Ones".

Special Award For *Finally* Giving Us An Episode Where Sam and Teal'c Interact (Even If They Weren't Our Sam and Teal'c):

"Double Jeopardy".

Special Award For Letting Daniel and Teal'c Hold An Actual Conversation:

"Crossroads".

"Exodus."

Special Award For Letting Jack and Daniel Be Alone Without A Chaperone (Even If Daniel Was Trying To Kill Himself At The Time):

"The Light".

Special Award For Letting Jack and Daniel Be Alone Without A Chaperone (Even If Daniel Was Unconscious At The Time):

"The Light".

Special Award For Letting Jack and Daniel Be Alone Without A Chaperone (Even If It Was Only A Dream Because Hey We'll Take Whatever We Can Get This Season):

"Absolute Power".

Most Underused Character in An Episode:

Teal'c in "Small Victories".

Teal'c in "The Other Side".

Sam in "Crossroads".

Teal'c in "Divide & Conquer".

Sam in "The First Ones".

Teal'c in "Scorched Earth".

Teal'c in "The Curse".

Jack in "The Curse".

Teal'c in "Chain Reaction".

Daniel in "Chain Reaction".

Teal'c in "2010".

Teal'c in "Absolute Power".

Teal'c in "Entity".

Most Totally Unused Character in An Episode:

Daniel in "Prodigy".

Most Shamefully Underused Character In A Season:

Teal'c.

Best Appearance By A Really Nice Dog:

Oscar in "Chain Reaction".

Best Appearance By A Not At All Annoying Child:

Shifu in "Absolute Power".

Best Episode For Showing Us The Team:

"Double Jeopardy".

Best Episode For Showing Us Trees:

"The First Ones".

"Double Jeopardy".

Best Episode For Showing Us Underwater FX:

"Watergate".

Best Episode For Showing Us The Asgard Homeworld:

"Small Victories".

Best Episode For Showing Us Why Goa'uld Genetic Memory Is Not A Toy:

"Absolute Power".

Best Episode For Showing Us Daniel's Assets:

"Absolute Power".

Best Episode For Showing Us Janet's Assets:

"The Curse".

Most Missed Human Element in Stargate:

The team being together.

Jack and Daniel being together.

Most Missed Organic But Non-Human Element in Stargate:

Trees!

Most Missed Non-Organic & Non-Human Element in Stargate:

The Stargate.

Least Developed Relationship:

Sam and Teal'c.

Daniel and Teal'c.

Most Overused Planet:

Earth.

Most Underused Planet:

Any planet that isn't Earth.

Most Annoying Original Character:

Marty in "Point Of No Return".

Cadet Haley in "Prodigy".

Most Pointless Murder of a Popular Character:

Martouf in "Divide & Conquer".

Best Totally Essential And Not At All Gratuitous Daniel In Pajamas Scene:

"Absolute Power".

Most Tantalizingly Brief Glimpse of Nude Danny Toes:

"Absolute Power".

Best Totally Relevant To The Plot Shot of Daniel's Bare Feet:

"The Light".

Best Totally Artistically Necessary Shot of Daniel's Rear:

"Absolute Power".

Best Jack Throws Daniel Over His Shoulder and Runs with Him (But A Shame About That CPR) Scene:

"The Light".

Most Blatant Use of Skin Shots To Distract Us From The Script:

"Beneath The Surface".

Best Double Entendre:

"It's better to have a big, long wick…" (Jack in "Absolute Power").

We also had a number of nominations written out in readiness which we didn't get to use owing to the show's inexplicable failure to provide the right content for the episodes such as:

Best Episode in Which Jack and Daniel Have To Wear Togas;

Best Episode in Which Jack, Daniel, and Teal'c Wear Only Very Small Towels;

Best Episode in Which All of SG-1 Wear Jammies;

Best Episode in Which Janet and Sam Have To Rescue The Boys While Carrying Really Big Guns;

Best Episode in Which Jack Takes Care of an Injured Daniel While Stroking His Hair; Best Episode in Which Daniel Takes Care of an Injured Jack While Stroking His Hair; Best Episode in Which Teal'c Takes Care of an Injured Sam While Stroking Her Hair; Best Episode in Which Sam Takes Care of an Injured Teal'c While Stroking His…Okay Maybe Not His Hair But They Still Bond A Lot;

Best Episode in Which Jack Gives Daniel a Foot Massage;

Best Episode in Which Jack and Daniel Have To Share The Same Sleeping Bag While Naked But Are Ever So Well Behaved (Because They Are Good Boys Really);

Best Episode in Which Daniel and Sam Rescue Jack and Teal'c From A Goa'uld Stronghold While Carrying Really Big Guns;

Best Episode in Which Jack Rescues The Rest of SG-1 Using His Special Ops Skills;

Best Episode in Which Jack Goes Alpha Male With An MP-5 While Rescuing Daniel From A Muscly Male Goa'uld With Evil Designs Upon Him;

Best Episode Featuring A Naked Daniel;

Best Episode Involving Fluffy Blankets.

Lori

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